Sink or Swim

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Worrying about things we can't control

After all, that's what people do, right? The two things I'm currently obsessing about are: 1. What if we are referred a boy? This is a thought that hadn't crossed my mind until a month or so ago when I started seeing mentions of it on several blogs/boards. It does happen. Not often, but it does happen. Obviously, we would love our son just as much as we would love our daughter, but it would definitely be a mental and emotional adjustment. All of our dreams, discussions, plans and names have assumed we will have a girl. That's a lot of dreaming, discussion, planning and naming to re-focus. Besides, let's just admit the real issue, I have done extensive wardrobe accumulation assuming a girl. So, our son would spend his first few months in drag, and who needs those therapy issues... 2. What if we are referred an older child? Now older is a relative thing here. We're not talking about a 14-year-old who can already babysit herself. But China considers 0-24 months to be the age range for an "infant." If our referral is for a 22-month old (@2 years old when we would finally meet her in China), that would also be an adjustment. Not the end of the world, of course, but an adjustment nonetheless. As I said in the title, these are things we can't control, but we do think about them. There is some negative chatter on some boards about how parents adopting from China shouldn't be upset if they are referred a boy when they requested/anticipated a girl. Somehow, the implication is that if you are adopting, you should just be happy that you will have a child at all. Period. It distresses me. We are still human. Wanting a girl doesn't make us bad people or bad parents. We would love a son just as deeply as we would love a daughter. It would just take us some time to adjust mentally and emotionally. Besides, it has taken us a year to agree on a girl's name, and I can't imagine starting over!


Blogger Emanual said...

Very nice blog!!! I just sent Rep Ramstad my plea as well.

I had all these same fears, times a million (unless you are a paranoid pessimist too). Even after referral (last month - waiting for TA right now) when I had her picture, I worried over it all a ton. Somewhere this last week, things just clicked and if she was a small furry bug with a learning disability, I'd petition China to let me have her anyway. My THIS-IS-MY-CHILD instinct kicked in and nothing matters now.

I've had plenty else to be stressed about, but somehow this one stress just melted away.

I hope it is the same for you. I marked you as a favorite, and I'll look back.

7/26/2006 05:00:00 PM  

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