Sink or Swim

Monday, April 30, 2007

Ten Random Things

I just can't seem to find it in me to post more than once every week or so. I write posts in my head, usually while lying in bed, but finding the time or inclination to actually pound them out on the keyboard doesn't seem to happen. Here are a few things that have been rattling around in my head. Yes, I know, they are completely random and unrelated, but that's how my brain works, ok? 1. E has become a bag lady. She is in love with empty paper grocery sacks. She will carry them around for quite some time, which I've learned is extremely handy for putting away said groceries. Note the James Dean look she has going on -- I removed the pack of Marlboros she had rolled up in the sleeve before I took the photo... 2. My previous boss got laid off last week. I saw it coming, and I think he did too. I hope he did anyway. He wasn't a great manager, but he was a great advocate for me, and he was such a good person. That may sound like an inconsequential quality in a manager, but my new boss, um, not so much a swell guy. He and I just don't get each other, and he is all business all the time. But he called me to make sure I knew that I wasn't in any danger of being laid off, reiterated how valuable I am, yada yada. It was all very rehearsed and patronizing. Anyway, I have a meeting with him this week to see how all the layoffs and voluntary departures in my department might affect me. I feel like I might have a little power to ask for things, but I'm struggling with what to ask for at the moment. It's not exactly ideal timing to ask for a promotion or new/more responsibility. Mostly, I want to solidify my new 4-day work week, which is supposedly on a trial basis. Since one of my daycare options for the fall only offers M-Th, it's more than a trial for me. 3. E is freakin smart. OK, everyone thinks their kid is smart, but she's been amazing this past week. She knows where her nose, ears and belly button are, and her vocalization is sounding more and more like talking. Her awareness and ability to learn things at lightening speed is both wonderful and terrifying. But she still won't chew her food, so maybe I'm overestimating her brilliance. 4. E had a mommy/clingy week last week, and it was wearing me out. I love her more than anything, but I was having a hard time not rolling my eyes and sighing like an exasperated teenager when she would lift her arms and cry for me for the 100th time in a five minute period (generally while making her a meal or bottle). Hard to get anything done, including get a glass of water. Also very hard to know just how much to let her whine and cry, but I am getting much better at knowing what is really a wounded cry, and what is outright whining. 5. Speaking of whining, E generally shows a preference to be with me, but she doesn't play as nicely with me as she does with my husband. She will always behave for him, and play like a perfect angel, but with me, she can deliberately test my patience with behavior she knows will get her in trouble (mainly whapping mommy). Of course, my husband has never-ending patience, so that's probably the difference. 6. I'm feeling a little guilty that I don't want to stay home. OK, maybe guilty isn't it, but it feels like I should want to stay home with E and be beyond sad that I have to go back to work. It will be very hard to go back next month, but I am also looking forward to it. I'm good at my job, and it gives me a lot of satisfaction. Plus, I feel very out of touch at home. I try to meet friends for coffee and lunch (which E seems to really enjoy too, most of the time), but it isn't the same. I would love to stay home for six months, but I know I couldn't do it full time, all the time. Which leads me to... 7. My husband is taking the summer off to stay home with E. This will be interesting, and I hope fabulous for both of them. I'm thrilled we don't have to do daycare yet, because she isn't ready. Plus, R will learn so much about taking care of her -- things he'd never learn while I'm at home -- particularly how to multitask and get things done. 8. I have two great daycare options for fall. One is an in-home, and she for sure has a space. She's perfect, although expensive. The other is a center that is unlike any center I visited, and has me at the top of their waiting list. Fantastic nurturing atmosphere, great ratios and teachers who are grown-ups and all have degrees in something child-related. I need someone who knows MORE than me please! 9. The blogging community has been bizarre these past few weeks. Chew/Jen lit up the boards with her tragic story, another blog I read regularly had a barrage of comments flying back and forth about bonding with/loving adopted vs. bio kids, and several bloggers I have enjoyed for months are hanging it up. I have such a small readership that I don't think I will encounter much flaming, but I also want to start talking about more things that I'm wrestling with going forward -- things I know people will disagree with, and it's clear that the blogging world is not always kind. I've been a little bit of a shiny-happy blogger, and it is more of my nature to not want to offend people. But I don't want to hold back on topics either. I need to think about what I want to get out of this blog a little more... 10. Baths are suddenly going very well, but naps are not. She has slept through the night every night since she starting really walking (so for three weeks now), and she usually wakes up happy and content in the morning (sleeping 8 p.m. - 7 a.m.). Naps are a different story. Sometimes, she will nap beautifully for two hours, but often, she will sleep just 40-50 minutes and then she will either start this heartbreaking sobbing while she's still half asleep, or wake up screaming and crying with wracking sobs, and only mommy can soothe her. Today, we went for a long walk at noon, and she took a beautiful stroller nap for over an hour. Bliss. Wish inapping was more consistent, but hey, sleeping through the night is nothing to sneeze at. Speaking of, she is sleeping soundly, and I'm going to have a cocktail and snuggle with my husband. Enjoy a last photo, and yes, I am so proud that not only does she clearly have carrot residue around her mouth (how did I miss that?), but she is playing with a Happy Meal toy. E does not get Happy Meals, but mommy does...


Blogger DiJo said...

I can't believe how much I have missed in 3 weeks!! Walking!!!
It sounds like you have had a lot going on in and out of work!!! I do understand your feelings about wanting to go back. It will always be a tug at the heart strings thing, but there is nothing wrong with working! Especialy when you love it, and your are good at it!!!! We have so much to catch up on, and I am leaving in less than two days. Considering the very large list I hope to knock off tomorrow, I will miss seeing you before we leave!
Please keep in touch while we are in China! And, I hope to see you on the 17th!

Miss you,

5/01/2007 12:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Kikalee said...

Those ten things sound just like things going on over here. Minus the summer off, that's great. I know what you mean about wanting to write about more serious stuff. There's so much brewing in my head (yep, while I'm in bed or doing something far far away from the Mac) that are new feelings I'd love to get down. At least for me so I'll remember my progress in motherhood. I wish I looked into Wordpress before I switched over to Typepad. Wordpress allows you to PWP certain posts, whereas I have to PWP my entire blog in Typepad. Something to consider if you don't feel comfortable writing about it here. Glad to see you're back!

5/01/2007 08:50:00 AM  
Blogger Corinne said...

So much here resonates for me. We really do need to catch up soon!

5/01/2007 09:36:00 AM  
Blogger Corinne said...

I forgot to say how unbearably cute that last picture is. What a little pipsqueak!

5/01/2007 02:44:00 PM  
Blogger Mama said...

We've had the longest whiny, clingy week ever . . . had to break out the Ergo and just cart her around in that, as my arms and back just couldn't take anymore otherwise.

I also order the Walking Rock Farms Hipbaby - the Ergo's Hip hold doesn't work so well for me for a variety of reasons, and that's what I'd like to try to get to as the back is hard to get her into in stores, and she has kinda outgrown the front carry.

Anyway - TMI - but "carry me" definately seems to be the WAAAAAA! of the week I guess.


5/04/2007 12:16:00 AM  

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