Sink or Swim

Friday, October 27, 2006

Becoming a better person -- the hard way

They say, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," and I'm actually starting to believe it. Frightening, huh? When our initial 6- to 7-month wait for a referral turned into 9 months, 10 months, 12 months, and now almost 14 months, I started to lose my grip. You don't have to read too many of my previous posts to see that I was on the edge much of the time. Well, I'm back to a good place, and I'm starting to think that the longer wait has turned out to not be a bad thing. Notice that I'm not going quite so far as saying that it's a GOOD thing, just not all bad. With the longer wait, I have had more time to really absorb how much our lives are going to change. I've had time to read more about adoption, attachment, parenting. I've had time to do more with my friends, my mom, my husband. I've had time to prove myself a little more at the office (and to my new boss), before disappearing for 12 weeks. I've had time to sign up for a Mandarin class. I've had time to do the nursery slowly. I've had time to meet others in the adoption community (some that I've even met online!). Most of all, I've had time to really appreciate how much I'm ready to be a mother and how much we really, really want this child. It sounds simple and obvious -- of course we're ready and want this, why else would we be doing it, right? Of course that's true, but the waiting has heightened the readiness, increased the want. I know we will appreciate our child so much, really appreciate what a gift she will be in our lives. Now if referrals are a huge disappointment again this month, I might take this all back and fall down into the dark hole again. But today, right now, I feel good. Positive. Full of anticipation (and a little panic) about becoming a mother. I'm just going to hold this feeling close for a while and hope it lasts.

6 Comments:

Blogger Sparky said...

I feel exactly the same way. This hasn't been fun but I am more prepared than I would have been 6 or 7 months ago. Not long now!!!!! Whoop!

10/29/2006 07:55:00 PM  
Blogger C said...

I hope the feeling does last!

Since you asked on my blog, here's the link to the high chair we want:

http://www.amazon.com/Chicco-Polly-Highchair-Carnevale/dp/B0009PLRX0

Hang in there. We'll celebrate when it's finally our time!

C/I See

10/31/2006 09:20:00 AM  
Blogger C said...

I hope the feeling does last!

Since you asked on my blog, here's the link to the high chair we want:

http://www.amazon.com/Chicco-Polly-Highchair-Carnevale/dp/B0009PLRX0

Hang in there. We'll celebrate when it's finally our time!

C/I See

10/31/2006 09:20:00 AM  
Blogger Waiting For Lucy said...

Lee, Ni hao!
You left a comment on my blog. Yes we are hoping for the next referral. It's getting really exciting. I took Mandarin about a year ago and need to brush up. I loved the class. Very interesting learning about the different tones. Pinyin really helps with pronunciation and retention. Characters were my favorite. They are the most difficult to learn and impossible to retain, but the most fun. Good Luck, Zai jian, Sue

11/07/2006 12:51:00 AM  
Blogger Debbie & Kirk said...

This rollercoaster ride is rough to say the least. I remember being told from our agency that we will have our baby in 6 months. Well here we are 14 months later and "hoping" that this is finally our month.

Hang in there
Deb
LID: Sep 7

11/11/2006 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger SunnyIce said...

How are you doing there across the mighty Mississippi? Seems unreal that is has taken this long and that as a Dec. LID, I could be looking at spring, summer or fall for that referral! My thoughts are with you that this is your month!

Did you take your Mandarin class through Minneapolis Community Education? And if so, did you like it? Have you joined FCC and gone to any meetings yet? I feel that I really should, but have yet to do so.

Discovered a new Szechuan restaurant on Western and University and it is fabulous if you like spicy. It is called, appropriately, Little Szechuan.

All the best to you on this beautiful sunny day. My fingers and toes are crossed for your referral this month!!

11/16/2006 12:43:00 PM  

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